Now since I'm up at the crack of dawn when I should be sleeping in to prevent the forming of any more wrinkles, I am taking a moment to reflect on the decade that has just booted me out of the nest. Those roaring 20s sure were some formative years, so let me take some time to share with you the life lessons I learned the hard way.
Lesson #1 - Hippie Haute Couture and the Difficulty of Free Love
I arrived in Santa Cruz with tie dyed dreams searching for a drum circle to call my own. I was convinced that a dorm room poster of Phish and a Bob Marley quote hanging on my door would ensure me the friendship of our dreadlocked counter culture. But breaking into the inner world of hippie hoopla is harder than you think, regardless of your bootlegged casette tape of the Grateful Dead and your love of all things Dylan. No longer would wearing a Save the Manatees tshirt suffice. I had to look the part. So I dragged my clean hair and freshly showered behind down to the local hippie clothing store, where I proceeded to spend much of my student loan money (which I am still paying back, even at the ripe old age of 30) on shockingly expensive patchwork pants. I raced back to campus, knowing that these patchwork pants were going to score me a slew of hippie besties. No such luck.Turns out that just because you enjoy a good Cherry Garcia, you will never be one of them.
Especially, incidentally, when your parents make you sign a contract that you won't dreadlock your hair. The odds were stacked against me from the start. I was doomed to a destiny of friendship with squares.
Lesson #2 - Carlo Rossi is a Party Stopper
Walking into a party with a jug of Carlo Rossi is awesome. Just hook one finger into the handle, throw it over your shoulder, and drink it like you just don't care. And believe me, you won't - you're young, you can handle a cheap wine hangover. And though your fellow party goers may not tell you at the time, you will be forever remembered as legend - wait for it - dary.
Lesson #3 - Don't Date the Locals
Just don't. Find yourself a nice boy (or girl) from a nice town from somewhere far away.
Lesson #4 - Major in Something Useful
I majored in Sociology. I can take one look at my surroundings and determine that I know all there is to glean from a social setting. I may even quote Alexis de Tocqueville and act all super smart with my pseudo intellectual comments. But I still don't understand statistics and sociology never got me a job. There is a real world out there, folks. Don't forget that as hard as you try to hover on the outskirts, eventually you will be forced into it. And when you do, it's nice to be able to be employed.
But don't get me wrong. Working for the man sucks.
Lesson #5 - If You Marry A Man Who Steals Steamrollers, You Asked For It
There is never a dull moment with Mr. Greene. But what did I expect, when one of my first dates with said husband was a cozy, intimate little setting at his arraignment. One fateful night, Mr. Greene thought it would be a great idea to hotwire a steamroller and drive it to the beach. Sounds fun, right? And it was all fun and games, as it always is, until someone gets caught.
Now 7th Avenue in Santa Cruz is no back country road. In his defense, Mr. Greene is from a small town in which hotwiring a steamroller may be heralded as local heroism. For years, the town would remember such an antic. It would be handed down from generation to generation, shared over pitchers of beer at the one and only town bar. Shared as a parable at church sermons. Perhaps even a statue of said steamroller stealer is erected. However, in Santa Cruz it is seen as a serious crime, for which you will go to jail.
And hence a love story was born. And here I am, many moons later, with a ring on my finger. I asked for it.
Lesson #6 - Don't Trust the Chocolate at a Phish Show
Just don't. Unless you're into that kind of thing. Then do.
Lesson #7 - Don't Judge a Book by its Cover
I once was riding on a super packed bus to downtown Santa Cruz, on my way to my mediocre job at a juice shop which shall remain nameless. I suddenly got very dizzy, and passed out. When I came to, I was staring into the dirty face of a funny looking man with a Peter Pan hat. His hat had a hole cut into the top, and coming out of the hole was one gigantic dreadlock. Of course I immediately decided that dizzy or not, this man was not my knight in shining armour and I should get out of this situation stat. However, this crazy one dreadlocked Peter Pan man helped me off the bus and bought me an Odwalla. Then, in a cloud of fairy dust, he disappeared back to Neverland.
Lesson learned.
Lesson #8 - Leave Town
Mr. Greene and I had finally had enough of our little college town, and hightailed it out of there to the happening community of Woodland. And though we ultimately did not stay there forever, I made the best friends in the world and had some very funny experiences. It's where I attended my first Demolition Derby. It's where Mr. Greene proposed. And it's where I, along with my closest friends, almost died on Cache Creek. Your 20s are supposed to be full of adventure. Never stay in one place for too long. You have the rest of your life to settle down.
Lesson #9 - Blame it on the Alcohol
Enough said.
Sub-Lesson #9 - Don't Drink Tequila in Mexico
Again, enough said.
Lesson #10 - One Day, You'll Look Back and Laugh
True story. I have burnt many a bridge and done many a stupid thing throughout the past decade. I was a much different person at 29 than I was at 21, and I get dizzy looking back and thinking about all the crazy antics that I somehow escaped from. While many things still make me cringe, I am able to laugh about it now - although some of my laughter is just a nervous, how could I, hope no one remembers that kind of laugh.
My great-grandma used to say, "This too shall pass". I just didn't know it was going to go by so quickly. So cheers to 30 years! Now someone fetch me my walking stick. You should treat your elders with respect.
