All is Quiet on the Western Front

All is quiet on the Western front and this has me quite nervous. The baby terrorist has been laying low, smiling a lot, taking forty minute naps in her crib and almost sleeping through the night. She happily eats her sweet potatoes, laughs at some of my jokes and rewards my good behavior with a burst of babbling.

I am terrified.

Just last week, I was fighting with her about anything and everything. She was the root cause of arguments with my own parents. I was fairly certain that I might leave my husband in the dead of night in our home that has begun to resemble a homier version of Guantanamo Bay so that he would finally be forced into waking up and negotiating sleep with the adorable yet diabolical baby terrorist.

Seriously, the worst thing that has happened in the last three days is when she spit out a mouthful of butternut squash straight into my face. In her defense, I should have seen it coming. I don't even like butternut squash. I buy it in a halfhearted attempt to show that I eat my veggies. It is just bad parenting to pawn it off onto the baby. Do as I say, not as I do apparently is my mantra.

Impending doom must be directly around the corner, right?

I recently read an article written by a non parent who fancies herself a prospective parent but is scarred by all of these scary mom blogs. She has a point. I have had readers inform me that my blog is terrifying. I admit that scaring people straight has become somewhat of a hobby of mine. Perhaps I take keeping it real just a little too far. But I need you to know, to fully understand, what I am dealing with here. I used to be full of satire and cocktails, and now I am holed up in a sleeper cell of baby terrorism which is just a silly thing to say since there is not a whole lot of sleeping going on here. 

But now I am cautiously typing as I find myself in the midst of a cease fire. No treaty has been signed, but the baby and I are acting like a couple of frenemies who are definitely on again this week. Next week she might stab me in the back and I will probably talk smack about her on my blog, but right now, right this second, we're cool.

What is a wannabe mommy blogger who has built a story line around her very own baby terrorist to do? Once again, she has won because now I am practically begging her to give me a little material. 

I'm holding my breath - stay tuned.