The Snot Sucker

The Snot Sucker. The first time I heard of this simple little device, I wrinkled my nose in disgust and filed it away in my brain files under "Never Gonna Use It. Ever. In a Hundred Million Bazillion Years. You Will Have To Kill Me First." And yet, here I am writing a rave blog post about the grossest and most effective little thing in the whole wide world.

We've made it 7 months, 1 week and 2 days without the little baby terrorist getting sick. Now that she is on the move, I am constantly trying to save her from self destruction, but I have managed to keep her from catching any germs that might have the wild idea of manifesting into a cold. It's not that I have been proactive in germ prevention department. I've just been lucky. Sadly, my luck ran out and the baby terrorist began sniffling a few nights ago. By yesterday, she was a full fledged snot machine, blowing nose mucus bubbles I couldn't help but admire.

I quickly emailed the doctor and was told to avoid cold medicine but to use either an aspirator or a NoseFrida - aka the Snot Sucker. Well, naturally, I was all oh hell no, not gonna use that snot sucker! That puppy is gross and I am never going to be the mother that sucks snot out of my baby's nose.

Fast forward 3 hours, and I am totally that mother who sucks snot out of my baby's nose. I would do anything to make that poor little terrorist feel better.

It wasn't such an easy sell on the husband. I was going to sneak out to Target, tricking him into thinking he was going to get to do some yard work. Trust me, the man loves doing yard work. Backyard time is his version of my watching Real Housewives while binge eating chocolate. Yet on this day, he was all about accompanying me as I ran errands. Shit. I was going to have to think fast.

I began with talking about buying a humidifier. I then eased into talking about this really awesome thing called a NoseFrida! It's so cool! And fun! And the baby is going to love it! The husband was on board until I quickly sandwiched the phrase "andyousuckthesnotoutwithyourmouth" super fast between It's so cool! and Fun! He went silent for a moment, gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, and finally asked me if I was serious.

I laid on a healthy dose of guilt even though I, too, was mortified at the prospect but, because we love that little congested baby terrorist, he finally consented.

As we unstrapped the baby from the car seat, a peculiar smell met our nostrils. I started to laugh hysterically as I often do in very uncomfortable situations as we realized that there was a poop-tastrophe of epic proportions splattered all over the baby and the car seat and now, my poor husband. Because I am nothing short of a hot mess, I had neglected to grab the diaper bag which was conveniently stocked with diapers and an extra outfit. So, in we marched to Target, heads held low in shame, two of the three of us covered in poop, and proceeded to make our necessary purchases (the humidifier and the Nose Frida) and a couple of unplanned purchases (diapers, wipes and a new outfit for the baby). One of these days I will get it together. That, however, was not the day.

The baby terrorist of course screamed bloody murder when we began the snot sucking process. She probably thought we were trying to suck out her brain and at one point I began to think it might be a possibility, because this contraption really is that amazing. And now I am not sure which is more alarming, the fact that I am now an unapologetic snot sucker or the fact that I am willing to share it with the world. File that in your brain file under "No Shame - This Shit Works."